


La danse de Mardi Gras

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [13]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Dark Prince Charming (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Jarley, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Archie - Freeform, Bikers, Bob - Freeform, Dancing, Diners, F/M, Mardi Gras, No abuse, Parades, Road Trips, Sex, Shooting Guns, flat tire, floats, joker and harley in a happy relationship, joker gas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 01:35:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18001322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Harley wants to take a road trip with some of their friends...





	1. Beginning of the Trip

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chan_Reign](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chan_Reign/gifts).



Bob sat in the driver seat of a white ten-seat minibus, dressed in a red and black tutu and tights combination that ran all the way down to his tennis shoes (one red and one black). He had the windows up and the music in the minibus was set at ear bleeding level, his head bobbing back and forth to BabyMetal’s song “Gimme Chocolate.” He waited patiently, ignoring the shouts and cursing going on outside of the mini bus, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel in happy, ignorant bliss. 

Outside the minibus was chaos. 

Joker was standing near the front of the minibus wearing a pair of round framed purple lense sunglasses on the tip of his nose, a pair of purple cargo shorts, a purple and white hawaiian shirt, purple gloves, green socks and purple trainers. His purple, wide brim hat was pulled low on his brow and he held his camera up, grinning as he took pictures instead of helping get ready to leave for their trip to New Orleans where they were going for the Mardi Gras celebrations. The whole thing had been Harley’s idea. She had thought it would be fun for them and a few of their “friends” to get out of Gotham and go down to celebrate the festivities. The only reason Joker had agreed to go (as he hated leaving Gotham unless it was to head over to Metropolis and mess with the dork in the red tights or that egghead Lex Luthor) was because he liked the colors--purples, golds, and greens, his favorites, and because Harley had stuck her bottom lip out. She had pouted, batting her eyes at him in that way that made him give her anything she wanted. 

He grinned and snapped a few pictures of Harley while she was arguing with Ivy and Penguin about the seating arrangements in the minibus. The night of sex had been pretty convincing too...He giggled at the memory. Harley had tied him up and left black lip marks all over his body...all over in some very interesting places. He had to use a mirror later to find them all. He snapped a picture of her behind. She was wearing a pair of black and red leggings with a little black t-shirt that she had tied at her waist, her blonde hair up in pigtails, and wore a pair of red trainers. He grinned watching her, the way she moved; her butt in those leggings made him want to sink his teeth into her. He kept taking pictures of her backside as he dwelled on the promise of even more sex while on the road--in the bus, in the hotel, in public, and on the way home...his red smile spread across his lips. All the sex promises had convinced him that a road trip might be fun. Maybe getting out of Gotham for a couple of weeks would be a good idea. Make the old Bat miss him so that when he and Harley returned Old Batsy would be happy to see them. Besides, everyone should have a chance to enjoy his brand of mischief, which was why he had packed several cases of his special Joker toxin gas canisters, just in case things got boring at any point. 

Harley was ignoring Joker and his lack of helping as she groaned throwing her hands up in frustration, with a glare at Ivy and Penguin. “Oh my GOD you two!! There are plenty of seats! No one said you had to sit anywhere near each other! Ivy, you can have two seats and Penguin you can have two seats. Hell I think everyone can have two!” 

Ivy made a face at Penguin. “Fine, but he isn’t allowed to smoke on the minibus and neither can Joker, or Riddler.” 

Penguin narrowed his beady eyes at her. “Why shouldn’t I be allowed to smoke?” 

“It’s bad for my plants,” Ivy said before she turned her attention to making goo goo noises at the small potted plant she was holding. 

Harley sighed. “Well I suppose we could have a smoking section…” 

Ivy groaned. “It’s an enclosed space! It’s all a smoking section!” 

Harley groaned. “Red, I thought I asked you not to bring any of your plants with us.” 

Ivy, dressed in a tight green pencil skirt and fitted jacket, matching green heels, her long red hair combed to one side, looked loftily at Harley. “You can’t expect me to be gone for two weeks without any of my babies with me. Really Harls, I thought you knew me better than that.” 

Harley’s shoulders drooped. Ivy was right; she should have known better. “Is one seat going to be enough?” 

Ivy sighed. “Yes, I can fit them all on one seat as long as that man doesn’t smoke in the minibus.” Ivy pointed at Penguin, who currently was smoking a cigarette held in a long cigarette holder. 

Penguin was dressed in casual black slacks, a simple white button down shirt, and slip on loafers. He gave Ivy the stink eye through his monocle. “Fine.” He pulled the cigarette off the end of the holder and dropped it to the ground before he ground it out. “Happy?” 

Ivy returned the glare. “No, but happier.” Ivy returned her gaze to Harley. “I’ll need an extra seat on the way back though for any babies I bring back. This will be a wonderful opportunity to expand my greenhouse. A quick jaunt into the bayou should be productive.” 

Harley sighed and nodded, knowing it was useless to argue with her best friend. “Okay, now are we all ready to get in the minibus?” 

Harley looked around at their little group. She had invited Ivy of course, as well as Penguin, Hatter, Riddler, and Two-Face. She had invited Crane, but he had gone and got himself caught by Batman just the other night and was now sitting in Arkham. She had thought briefly about getting Mistah J to break him out, but then decided against it. They were on a time table and having to spend time to get Crane out would waste a lot of that precious time. She wanted to be in Louisiana for Mardi Gras, not arrive after the celebrations! Or worse, what if Bats caught them! Nope, they had to leave Crane behind. So Harley had invited Two-Face instead. She thought Harvey needed to get out of Gotham for a while after that failed robbery attempt at the Two Times bank had gotten him thrown into Arkham for a couple of days. The poor guy needed a break. 

Two-Face was dressed stiffly in a suit (half grey, half white), flipped his coin, studied it before he turned and walked to his car, got in, and drove away without a word. 

Harley threw her hands into the air with a shake of her head. Oh well, she thought and then smiled--more room. “Okay, good, now everyone get on the minibus and remember the back seats belong to Mistah J and me, okay?” 

Riddler looked strange Harley thought, almost as strange as her puddin did right now. The skinny riddle-loving man wore a pair of green shorts with a black t-shirt that read: Riddle Me This Batman, on the front of it. Riddler pulled the brown and green bowler he was wearing off his head to run his fingers through his hair before he followed Harvey up the steps into the minibus, glancing at Harley over the top of his green tinted sunglasses. “You two aren’t gonna...you know…” Riddler turned red, unable to finish his question. 

Harley giggled, but it was Joker who answered peeking over the top of his sunglasses just as Riddler had. “Ah Riddler, did no one give you the talk when you were growing up? Want me to explain the birds and the bees to you? Do you want to know why your pee pee is bigger in the morning? Or maybe you need Daddy Joker to tell you all about vaginas.” 

Riddler narrowed his eyes and gave Joker the finger before he boarded the minibus. Joker burst out into peals of laughter while Ivy, grinning while shaking her head, and Penguin both followed Riddler inside with Hatter following close behind. 

Harley sighed as she took a quick look around at the additional luggage that was strewn everywhere still waiting to be placed on the minibus. Archie and Frost were doing their best to load up the minibus, but Penguin had at least six suitcases with Hatter having insisted on bringing along an entire china tea set, the case of which he was holding pressed against his chest. At least it had been his only case. Harley frowned. Now that she thought about it...no, that was bad. It meant Hatter planned on wearing the same outfit for days...Eww… 

Joker clapped his hands. “Okay, let’s get the rest of these bags on and let’s go people!” 

Archie muttered as he picked up the last of the bags, carrying them over to Frost. “Maybe this will kill me.” 

Frost grunted. “This trip is probably going to kill me too buddy.” 

* 

Joker and Harley had laid claim to the last row of seats in the back of the minibus where Harley had a pile of blankets and pillows for the two of them (plus a bag of treats for Joker.) Frost was in the passenger seat next to Bob and Archie sat directly behind Bob (with no one across the aisle from the depressed clown) followed by Penguin, with Hatter across the aisle from him, then Ivy, with Riddler across the aisle from her. That left a pair of empty seats between Ivy and Riddler and the two mad clowns--for which Riddler was thankful. 

Penguin groaned. “Are we going to have to listen Bob’s music this entire drive?” 

Joker lounged in the back seat, his arm around Harley’s shoulders. “We could strap you to the hood like an ornament Oswald.” 

Penguin muttered, “I have no idea why I agreed to this.” 

Bob looked in the rearview mirror with a smile before he started the minibus to begin their trip out of Gotham. 

* 

They had been driving for over an hour when they finally reached the city limits. Joker frowned. He was turned around, watching out the back as they left the Gotham city limits. The smog and darkness of Gotham were quickly left behind as Bob hit the highway and took the bridge across the river into the rest of the world. 

Harley settled down in her seat, also turning around to watch Gotham recede into the distance, becoming smaller and smaller. 

She glanced sideways at Joker. She could see his eyes from the side, staring out the window through his purple lenses. “You going to be okay puddin?” 

Joker shrugged. “I guess.” He frowned. “I feel like I’m abandoning her,” he said softly so that no one but Harley could hear him. “Leaving her in the very unfunny claws of Batman.” He glanced sideways at Harley and whispered. “You don’t think Batsy will break her while I’m gone do you?” 

Harley smiled tenderly at him, reaching to pluck his hat off and placed it on her head before she gently brushed some of his green hair out of his face and behind his ear. “I’m sure he won’t break Gotham before you get back. You know how old Batsy is. Besides puddin, he’ll get bored without you there.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Poor Old Batsy won’t know what to do without you there causing him trouble puddin.” Harley licked his ear slowly before placing a kiss against his cheek. “There won’t be anyone to make the poor old big Bat laugh without you my puddin.” 

Joker smiled leaning into her kiss, Harley always knew what to say to make him feel better. He didn’t know what he would do without her. 

She shifted closer. The warm vanilla scent of her skin tickled his nostrils as she began to nibble at his ear. He grinned, the sensation sending tickles down his spine and raising goosebumps on his flesh. He moved, turning to sit so that he could spread his legs before he gathered her onto his lap, wrapping an arm around her thighs, his other arm around her waist. He slid his gloved hand under her shirt, brushing his thumb along her skin. Harley shivered with pleasure, the feel of the glove against her skin turned her on, making her wiggle a little on his lap. 

“Mm, much better, sitting on Daddy’s lap.” Joker grinned mischievously at Harley. “Better be good though--you don’t want Daddy to give you a spanking...” He grinned, making it clear there was nothing in the world he would find more fun than spanking her. 

Harley giggled when he slid his tongue against her ear, goosebumps racing over her skin when his lips found the sensitive spot just behind her ear, pressing his perfect white teeth against her skin and nibbling. 

“Gawh, you two are disgusting.” Riddler was turned around in his seat looking back at them. He made a show of gagging, even going so far as to stick his finger in his mouth. 

Joker narrowed his eyes behind his glasses, looking at the skinny man over Harley’s head. “Are you the original forty year old virgin or are you just weinerless Nygma?” 

Harley giggled. “Oh now puddin, don’t be too hard on him, Riddler is never hard--” 

Joker laughed holding her tightly and he interrupted. “Never hard!!” 

Penguin snorted on a laugh that he tried desperately to turn into a cough while Ivy rolled her eyes picking up one of her little plants and began talking to it with a cooing tone. “Men are such oversexed babies aren’t they sweetie?” 

Harley pouted. “Hey, I’m oversexed too!” 

Joker nuzzled Harley. “Yes you are my little sex kitten.” 

Harley giggled with delight, wiggling on his lap. Joker chuckled and nibbled on her more in response. 

Riddler turned back around folding his arms across his chest looking a great deal like a spoiled and pouting child. “I am not a virgin.” 

Penguin snorted. “Sure you aren’t Eddie.” 

“I’m not!! I’ve boned lots of girls!” Riddler protested, which only made Joker and Harley snort and laugh with glee. 

“Were any of them named Alice?” Hatter sat up turning to look over the back of his seat. 

Joker, his eyes tearing up, looked at Harley. “Did he just say bone?” 

“He did puddin!!” Harley giggled. “Did she ask you to bone her good Eddie?” Harley gave him a wide eyed innocent look. “Like, really BONE her?” 

Penguin snorted again and this time even Archie chuckled, muttering under his breath. “Bone.” 

Riddler growled at everyone. “Oh shut up!” 

Ivy smirked. “You know Eddie, if you need some help with the ladies I might be able to give you a little assistance. I could teach you how to be a very good boy and do whatever she...whoever she is...wants.” Ivy smiled seductively at him. “Though I would suggest you be careful--some ladies can be deadly. She might just bone you back.” She winked at him which had Nygma turning several shades of red, yanking his hat down nearly over his ears as he hissed through his teeth, “I hate all of you.” 

Harley laughed. “Oh stop; we love you Eddie! Don’t we?” She looked around at everyone who only laughed, with Joker growling playfully, his red lips pressed against her throat. “Oh now careful Harls, you don’t want me to have to emasculate poor Eddie when he hasn’t even gotten a chance to use his old pecker yet, now do you?” 

Harley snuggled close. “Puddin!” 

Joker purred dragging his tongue up her throat before he mock whispered loudly. “We want Eddie to be able to BONE.” 

Riddler growled pulling out his pad of sticky notes and started scribbling furiously, muttering under his breath, “All of you suck.” 

Joker and Harley giggled as in unison they both said. “That’s what she said!” 

Riddler turned even redder. 

* 

Several hours into the drive, it was growing dark. Frost was thinking they needed to find a hotel for the night when Penguin sighed. “Can’t we listen to something else besides...whatever this is?” 

Penguin gestured at the air around him; the music currently playing was the Baby Shark song. 

Bob, who had been bouncing his head merrily to the tune, frowned with a glance in the rearview mirror, looking over the passengers. 

Ivy sighed petting her plants while gazing out the window. “I agree. Something else would be nice. Bob?” the redhead asked with a smile at the big man. 

Bob sighed and reached down to play with the stereo. Frost, who had his arms crossed over his chest opened one eye to look over at Bob before closing them again, shifting his position in his seat and going right back to sleep. 

Archie was playing a game on his phone, his thumbs moving quickly over the screen and muttered without looking up. “Baby Shark makes me want to kill myself, so I like it.” 

Hatter smiled happily. “Ah baby sharks do like tea, don’t they?” 

Bob flipped around through his music until he found another song he liked and turned the music up a little. This time Bob was playing “Honeybee” by Steam Powered Giraffe. He grinned happily and returned his full attention to driving. 

Riddler, who had sticky notes pasted all over his section of his bus, each note filled with scribbles as he worked on riddles, groaned loudly dropping his head back against his seat, sinking down just a little. “Oh my dear god, what is this?” 

Ivy glanced over at Riddler with a small smile. “I like this one. Honeybees are wonderful creatures!” 

Hatter cooed. 

“How doth the little busy bee 

Improve each shining hour, 

And gather honey all the day 

From every opening flower!” 

Riddler gave Ivy the stink eye, ignoring Hatter, which only made Ivy twitter with laughter. 

Penguin snorted. “I would prefer some Pavarotti myself.” 

Joker and Harley were completely ignoring everyone, focusing on the game they were playing. Harley, a large smile on her lips while she watched Joker, straddling his lap, her legs resting against the seat, her arms in the air, her hands behind her head while he had his left hand (minus his gloves) under her shirt, biting his bottom lip, his eyes narrowed in concentration. He was working carefully trying to get her bra undone with just his left hand. 

He sucked on his lips, feeling the hooks with his fingers, grinning, just about to get the straps unhooked when the bus suddenly jumped, followed by the sound of an explosion and the sound of metal scraping against the asphalt. The bus was leaning to the side and the noise was horrible, worse than nails against a chalkboard. 

“Oh my cotton socks, what now?!” Joker snarled in frustration having lost his grip on Harley’s bra. The bus jumping had caused Joker to lose his grip on her bra, allowing the strap to snap back against her skin. 

“Ow!!” Harley yelped loudly. 

Joker grabbed Harley, holding onto her as the bus began to swirve this way and that while Bob struggled with keeping the bus going straight. Everyone else started to yell. 

Archie grinned happily. “Are we going to crash?!” 

Bob struggled with the wheel for only a few tense seconds. The bus veered left, then right, then left again until Bob finally dragged them to the side of the road, slamming on the brakes. The bus screeched in protest, but finally came to a stop. 

Everyone inside had been holding on for dear life. (Except Joker who held onto Harley, and she to him, falling over in their seat, riding out the bus’s wild few seconds with laughter.) 

Joker sat up, still holding Harley in a death grip. “So, what was that?” 

Frost turned in his seat looking back. “I think we blew a tire.” 

Penguin groaned thumping the back of the seat in front of him. “Oh well that’s just fucking fantastic!” 

Joker gasped from the back. “Pengie? Really? Such language!” 

Harley giggle snorted. “He’s a foul bird puddin.” 

Joker laughed giving Harley a big kiss. “You are correct my sweets! A foul, foul bird!” 

Frost chucked and patted Bob on the shoulder. “You did a good job buddy. You probably saved us.” 

Bob beamed at him. 

Joker yelled out. “Yeah!! You did great Bob my darling!!” 

Harley giggled giving Bob a thumbs up. 

Ivy smiled sweetly. “Yes Bob, thank you.” 

Bob blushed bright red. 

Frost motioned at Archie. “Come on, let’s go check it out. See how bad it is.” 

Archie muttered. “Fine.” 

Joker glanced at Harley. “I think we should go check it out too my sweets.” 

Harley giggled with a nod of agreement. “Let’s go puddin!” 

Joker grinned jumping up and placing Harley on her feet before grabbing her hand and yanking her along with him down the aisle while at the same time yelling. “WEEE!!” 

* 

Frost frowned, looking at the tire in the dimming light. It was completely shredded. He dragged his finger over his top lip before he sighed. “Do we have a spare?” 

Bob nodded and pointed under the minibus. Frost bent down to see that the spare tire was indeed held under the carriage. He stood back up. “Okay, let me get the lug wrench. Archie, think you could get under there and get it?” 

Archie shrugged. “You think the tire will fall on me and kill me?” 

Frost shrugged too. “There is always a chance.” 

Archie smiled. “I’m in.” 

* 

Nearly forty-five minutes had passed while Frost, Bob and Archie struggled with the tire. Joker was sitting on the bumper at the back of the bus, with his left ankle resting on his right knee and staring out from behind his purple glasses. His hat was pulled low on his green haired head, his camera resting against his chest. He had taken a couple of pictures, though there was nothing fun out here to photograph except Harley. And while he had thought briefly of having her strip naked, the idea that any of the drivers zipping by would see her annoyed him. So he had taken a few photos of the landscape before giving up on the idea as dull. 

“I’m so booored…” Joker whined, dropping his head back against the bus. 

Harley, sitting next to him, was blowing bubbles with her gum while she leaned on the bumper, her legs spread out in front of her, heels against the asphalt, her head back against the bus. She leaned on her hands which gribbed the bumper and pushed herself up a few times, at the same time blowing larger and larger bubbles. 

“I’m sorry puddin. Whatcha wanna do?” Harley asked with a smile. 

Joker glared at the cars zipping by. “Well, ideally I would shoot drivers going by--that would be great fun, but since I don’t want to ruin our trip and get hauled off to Arkham, or worse, some rinky dink prison in the middle of nowhere...I don't know…” 

Joker sighed again before he looked over at Harley. “Got any gum left?” 

Harley frowned. “In the bus.” 

He sighed putting his chin in his hands and leaned on his leg. “Poo.” 

Harley sat up straight. “Want mine?” 

Joker glanced sideways at her from the side of the glasses, his blue eyes twinkling. “Sure thing puddin pop.” 

Harley giggled and scooted closer. Joker reached out and cupped her face, bringing her mouth to his in a slow press of the lips. Harley purred opening her mouth to slide her tongue along his in a slow, provocative kiss. They both opened their mouths wider, stroking their tongues together. 

Joker dropped his leg, his hands moving down to her waist, a soft growl deep in his throat. Harley licked his tongue before tracing his teeth while Joker’s fingers tightened on her waist... 

* 

Riddler swung his cane and Penguin held his umbrella open and over his shoulder while they waited and grew tired of watching Archie trying to kill himself (by hoping the bus would fall on him), and failing. The two of them decided to walk around the back of the van to share a smoke away from Ivy who was sitting on the step of the bus sunning some of her plants in the late afternoon sun while Hatter sat at her feet pouring tea for her, himself and her plants (tea of which no one was sure where he had gotten it), when they both stopped in their tracks to see Joker and Harley licking and sucking at each others mouths. 

Riddler shuddered making a face while Penguin smirked. 

Harley caught Joker’s bottom lip with her teeth pulling just a little before she slid her tongue back into his mouth. They kissed again, then pulled away from each other, but this time there was a long string of pink bubblegum between them. 

Riddler gagged. “Oh my God! Ugh!!” He turned and walked back around the bus with a dry heave while Penguin laughed and followed Riddler. 

“Oh, come now Nygma! If you don’t want people to think you’re a virgin, gagging at that isn’t helping! You do know people share a lot more than that when having sex right?” Penguin yelled loudly after Riddler who yelled back. “SHUT UP!!” 

Joker chuckled wrapping his tongue around the gum, following the line of pink back to Harley’s mouth. He kissed her deeply one more time before he sat back, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her in close. Harley leaned her head against his shoulder while Joker blew bubbles. 

* 

Roaring down the highway, a large group of eleven bikers came speeding down the highway, their engines loud, the music louder, and looking for trouble. Their little group’s leader, Max, dressed in what he considered to be the perfect “biker” look with jeans, black leather chaps, a black leather vest (no shirt) and cowboy boots, was the younger brother of the sheriff of their town, which meant that Max and his gang pretty much ruled their little town of Coalvilles. The group of miscreants made their money by shaking down local businesses, gambling, and harassing people on the highway who had car trouble, either robbing them outright, or helping them get to town where they then mugged them without the worry of going to jail. Max’s brother, Orson would never dare put him or his friends in jail, partly because Orson got a small cut of the take. Max grinned. It was the perfect set up, they could do pretty much anything they wanted. 

Max smiled broadly. His girl Jill, dressed in matching jeans and leather chaps with a tube top and her own leather jacket, was on the back of his bike, and his friends surrounded him looking for a mark when he saw the bus and the strange assortment of people hanging around outside it while a couple of numbnuts tried to change the tire. Max grinned; he loved city folk. They always thought they were more worldwise, ready for anything, immune to being robbed, but the truth was, they were some of the stupidest schmoozes around. 

Max put a hand up signalling his boys to follow him as he pulled over behind the bus where two people sat on the bumper of the bus. 

* 

Harley frowned when she saw the bikers pull up behind them, but slowly her frown turned into a mischievous smile. “Oh that looks fun.” 

Joker grinned, a bright chuckle escaping his lips, his arm still around her shoulders stroking his fingers up and down her arm. “Finally!! Something fun!!” 

He kissed Harley on the cheek before he whispered playfully. “Now don’t they just look like a couple of nice citizens come to help Harls?” 

Harley giggled. “They do puddin, they do!” 

“They don’t look at all like they would cause any trouble, now do they sweets?” Joker asked delicately sliding his sunglasses down his long nose to waggle his eyebrows at Harley. 

Harley giggled. “Not at all puddin!” 

Joker’s smile spread menacingly across his pale face as he stood up and dusted himself off. “Let’s have some fun Harls.” 

“Oh let’s!” Harley giggled, getting to her feet as Max walked over to them, his gang behind him, Jill walking beside her boyfriend with her arm though his, her hips swaying back and forth. Max smirked, but tried to keep his expression under control. He had everything--the sexiest girl, the money, and the power. It felt great to be on top of the world. 

Max had his hands in his pockets with a smile on his face. “You folks need a hand?” 

Joker smiled taking Harley’s hand. “Why hello my good man! We are on our way to Mardi Gras and, as you can see, our bus had a little trouble.” He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. 

“Seems one of our tires gave out on us.” 

Max frowned slightly, but quickly pasted his smile back in place. This close he would swear that the man was stranger looking up close then he had previously thought. Not only was the stranger’s outfit weird, but Max could see that his skin was strangely pale, like he was painted white and his hair under the hat was...green? The girl, on the other hand, was hot as hell. Max wasn’t sure what it was about the blonde; er outfit wasn’t really skimpy, but he could see her figure and there was just something in her eyes that made him hot. 

Max smiled. “I’m Max, this is my girl Jill. Well, let’s see what we can do to help?” 

Joker chuckled “ You can call me J and this is my girl Harls.” 

Harley waved with her fingers while Jill just gave Joker a once over with her eyes before giving Harley a smirk. Harley resisted the urge to not only stick her tongue out, but to gouge out Jill’s eyes with her fingers. She was very proud of herself for her self-control, because Jill really needed her eyes gouged out. 

Joker smiled brightly, his teeth bright against his red lips. Max frowned. Was this dude wearing lipstick? Joker motioned with his hand. “Right this way my good man!” 

Joker walked around to where Frost was groaning loudly. “Archie! It is getting darker man, the bus isn’t going to fall on you! Now stop it so we can get this tire changed!” 

Bob was sitting on the ground, picking through a baggie of dry cereal, picking out the marshmallows and eating them. Ivy and Hatter were sitting next to each other, rather cozily, talking about something in whispers while Penguin and Riddler were sharing a flask and smoking. Frost had the spare tire leaning against the bus, the flat was off, but he was glaring at Archie who was still lying under the bus. 

Joker, with Harley’s hand in his, motioned exaggeratedly with his free hand at the group, throwing his arm wide. Everyone turned to look at Max and his gang as Joker turned slightly toward them. “My friends, look! Salvation has found us! These kind gentlemen and a couple of ladies, have come to give us aid!” 

Frost stood up slowly. “Okay...” 

Joker giggled. “Isn’t it just awesome?” 

Max looked over the group as a small smile formed on his lips. Oh this was perfect, definitely a bunch of kooks if he ever saw one, though the two chicks they had with them were both pretty hot he thought. The redhead was smoking hot. Why these two beauties were with this bunch of nutjobs he didn’t know, unless they had money--which was very good for his gang, very good. Maybe they might convince the hot chicks to hang out with them. Girls were easy and stupid he thought, his smirk returning. 

Max grinned gesturing out at the road behind him feeling safe with his guys around him. “Well first I should tell you guys, this is a toll road, so there are a few fees you have to pay just for driving on it. Plus our help isn’t cheap, we expect some compensation.” He made the universal gesture of money by rubbing his fingers against his thumb. “Capisce?” Penguin narrowed his eyes. “Toll?” 

Riddler added, tightening his grip on his cane. “And a fee for helping?” 

Joker made a giggle snort with Harley who leaned against his shoulder while giggling. “Did he said capisce?!!” Joker looked at Harley over the top of his sunglasses. Harley nodded laughing. “He did puddin!!” 

They both nearly fell over holding each other up while they giggled. 

Max narrowed his eyes, but ignored the clowns. Instead he gestured with his head toward one of his men, a tall man who was nearly the same height as Bob who stepped slightly forward and pulled his jacket open to reveal that he was armed. 

Max smirked. “Look, you don’t want to pay, that’s fine, we have no problem using a little, ah, motivation, but we ain’t going to be gentle. Besides you’re outnumbered and we’re all armed, so why not do yourselves a favor, give us everything you got and we’ll let you go. Unless you two ladies wanna join us?” Max glanced at Harley and Ivy with a leering grin, which got him a dirty look from Jill, but he ignored her. 

Ivy stood up slowly. “You really are rude aren’t you. Don’t you think Harley?” 

Harley nodded. “Sure thing Red! Besides, like I would go with anyone but my puddin!” 

Joker grinned reaching over to gently squeeze Harley’s cheeks with his thumb and fingers. “That’s right, my girl only loves me, don’t you my little pumpkin pie?” Joker cooed. 

Harley squealed and giggled wrapping her arms around Joker. “That’s right puddin.” 

Max growled. “All right, enough of this shit, hand over all your valuables or a few of you are going to get hurt.” 

Harley gasped dramatically. “Oh no puddin, he’s going to hurt us!” 

Joker grinned. “I know sweets. Should we give them a sporting chance?” 

Harley opened her mouth about to speak when Max pulled out a gun. “You know what, that’s enough.” 

Joker smiled looking at Max over the top of his glasses. “You know what my friend? You’re correct, that is quite enough.” 

Harley surprised everyone (everyone except her own group) when she took a step and flung herself forward, dropping down to her hands, brought her legs up into a perfectly executed handstand, but in the next instant she propelled herself over into a complete flip, landing perfectly next to Max’s girlfriend. Jill only had a second to see Harley’s condescending smile before Harley’s fist met with Jill’s face, knocking the unsuspecting woman backwards into one of Max’s guys, her nose broken. 

Jill screamed. 

Joker moved quickly, pulling out his.44 magnum from the inside of his shorts. He grinned while waving a hand at Max. “Surprise!” 

Joker turned the barrel away from Max, surprising the man by shooting one of Max’s men behind him, the bullet hitting the man in the face before Joker turned the weapon back on Max. Max put his hands up, his eyes wide, not sure what he expected to happen. This was not how things went down, this was not how things ever went down! Max was used to a minimal show of force getting him what he wanted. The pale man grinned at him and shot. Max didn’t react at first, not sure what had happened until he felt a burst of pain. 

The bullet that hit Max, unlike the one that Joker had just used on Max’s companion, was a hollow point. The bullet blasted a massive hole in Max’s stomach as it tore through his abdomen before exiting out the man’s back. Max’s eyes widened, his body immediately going into shock after the initial explosion of pain. Max looked down at the wound in surprise, the bright red of his own blood looked strange and artificial to him. Max touched the blood, warm and wet. He frowned in confusion before he dropped to his knees, his hands going to the wound as if he could somehow keep the blood from continuing to spill out. (Max wasn’t aware that the bullet hadn’t just ripped through him, but had gone completely through him and into the side of Jill who had stumbled back behind him holding her broken nose as the bullet ripped into Jill’s side, dropping her to the asphalt with barely a squeak on her part.) 

Joker giggled. “Oh that was a surprise! I sprinkled in a few hollow point bullets for fun and look at that, you got a fun one!” 

Max’s eyes widened in shock, staring up at the Joker. “Whh...at?” 

Joker grinned brightly, doing jazz hands. “Surprise!” 

The rest of the bikers began to yell, trying to pull their weapons a split second after Harley’s flip and Joker’s shot. None of them had had their weapons out and ready. They, like Max, were used to only needing to show that one of them was armed to get what they wanted. Most people didn’t fight back. No one had ever really put up a fight before as most of their victims were just people passing through, tourists, or travelers just trying to get from one place to another. The few times anyone had tried to fight back, a good couple of punches put them down. Most people didn’t want to take a chance that Max and his gang would kill them. 

None of the biker gang were used to actually having to fight. 

Riddler snarled, holding his cane in his hand like a baseball bat. “When you do not know what I am, then I am something. When you know what I am, then I am nothing. What am I? A Riddle you moron!” 

The top of Riddler’s cane slammed across the face of one of the bikers, bursting the man’s lip, breaking his nose and shattering his cheekbone. The man fell back into his friends. 

Riddler chuckled. “Score one for the Riddler!” 

Penguin sighed bringing his umbrella up. “Bunch of tasteless cads.” 

He pulled the trigger in the handle and fired, a bullet ripping into the chest of one biker and before any of them realized what was happening, Penguin shot another. 

Ivy frowned. “Guns are so messy.” 

She up her hand up and blew. A light pink dust flowed from her hand into the faces of several bikers closest to her. The effect was almost immediate as three men stopped moving, all of them went slack, their eyes wide, the pupils dilated, each one turning toward Ivy. 

Ivy smiled pleasantly. “Hhmm, walk into the traffic…? No...messy…I know, just start walking out that way…” She pointed across the field next to where they were stopped. “And don’t stop.” 

The men moved as one and began to walk away. Ivy grinned and calmly took her seat again. 

Bob had stood up as soon as Harley moved, grabbing two of the men and slammed their heads together, the impact hard enough that Bob cracked open both men’s skulls. 

And just like that, the fight was over. 

Joker frowned. “Well, that was anticlimactic. I thought they would have put up a little more of a fight.” 

Harley frowned too, looking slightly sad. “Oh well pooh.” 

Archie, who had pulled himself out from under the bus looked around. “Lucky bastards,” he muttered. 

Harley turned to Joker, then to Penguin. “I thought we said no guns on this trip?!” 

Penguin shrugged, looking a little sheepish. “Well, it's an umbrella, so it’s not technically a gun.” 

Joker pouted. “Well, Harls, sweetie, pumpkin pie...it’s only a little gun.” 

“That is not a little gun puddin! Look at that thing! How did you even get it in your shorts without me noticing??!” Harley glared at Joker with her hands on her hips. 

Joker grinned. “I’m just that good sweetie. Don’t be mad...I brought you a gun too.” 

“You did?” Harley dropped her hands from her hips, immediately no longer angry with him. 

Joker nodded. “I did sweets. Packed you a cute little .38 special in red.” 

Harley squealed. “Oh puddin!! You are so sweet!!” 

She ran over and threw herself into his arms. He caught her with a laugh spinning her around with Harley wrapping herself around him tightly and kissing him. 

Frost sighed. “Okay, let's get this tire on and get out of here before someone decides to stop and see what’s going on.” 

Hatter nodded. “Yes, yes, the hour grows late…” 

* 

It was nearly one in the morning before Bob found an exit that had both a motel for them to stay in and a twenty-four hour restaurant where they could grab something to eat. Everyone settled into their rooms--Bob, Frost and Archie sharing one, Penguin and Riddler in another, with Ivy and Hatter sharing a room, (the two of them strangely getting along), and lastly Joker and Harley in their own room. 

Joker showered, annoyed because he was showering by himself. Harley was busy helping Ivy with her stupid plants having told him she would shower and meet him down at the restaurant as soon as she was done helping Ivy. 

Joker made a sour face as he dried off and dressed. He had been hoping for some good old fashioned shower sex, a wet, soapy and naked Harley up against the wall, rubbing his hands all over her slick body...or bent over...her rear end all wet and shiny while he thrust into her. He sighed with frustration. That could have been his shower time, fun time, but that stupid green stink weed friend of Harley’s had ruined that by asking Harley to help her. Joker narrowed his eyes; after he rubbed the steam from the mirror, annoyed blue eyes stared back. He ran his comb through his hair, moving his head side to side to check his profile before he applied lipstick, then did the same motion again to make sure he looked good. Joker mused to himself, he wouldn’t doubt if Ivy had asked Harley for help on purpose just to be annoying to Joker! He growled to himself stomping out of the bathroom, muttering about asexual weird plant women while grabbing his clothes out of his suitcase. 

Joker shoved his legs into his purple shorts, grabbed his shirt--a blue and yellow Hawaiian shirt covered in bright yellow flowers--put on a pair of green and purple striped socks, his shoes, a pair of bright purple trainers, and stomped out while buttoning his shirt, heading to the late night restaurant for something to eat. Maybe a pile of waffles as tall as himself would make him feel better, though he doubted it. There were no replacements for great sex with Harley wrapped around him. 

Joker stuck his bottom lip out, looking like a very upset child. 

* 

When Joker arrived at the restaurant, his olfactory sense was overloaded by the smell of stale coffee, maple syrup and cinnamon. When he walked into the diner the chime of a bell over the door jingled, just loud enough to be heard. 

Joker stopped in the entrance and looked around to get his bearings. He saw the place was decorated in browns and reds with cheap vinyl covered tables and plastic coated red chairs and booths. The place had few patrons at this time of night--or morning, he wasn’t sure which--though there were a few truckers scattered around the edges, some sitting at the counter, a few at some tables. There were also a few awkward travelers here and there eating hamburgers or piles of rich, fluffy pancakes. Joker’s gaze traveled over everyone, dismissing them when he saw a large semi round booth against the large window where Riddler and Penguin were sitting. Riddler, who was turned around and leaning on the back of the booth was clearly flirting with the waitress, a woman with bleached blonde hair and a nearly skin tight pale green uniform, who looked to be flirting back with the green bean. Penguin sat next to Riddler, ignoring him while he hungrily dug into a platter filled with pancakes, sausages, bacon and biscuits, a large mug of coffee on the side. 

Joker sauntered over to them and slipped into the booth next to Riddler. 

He motioned at the waitress. “Hey there sunshine, can you bring me some coffee, some chocolate milk, and a large plate of waffles?” 

The waitress smiled, her eyes only once glancing at his hair, but otherwise the only indication of her being uncomfortable was by the slight twitch around her eyes at the man’s unnaturally pale coloring. “Sure thing, do you want any bacon, sausage…?” 

Joker twisted his lips in thought. “Bacon.” 

The waitress smiled. “Of course; be right back.” She winked at Riddler and hurried off. 

Riddler gave Joker a dirty look as he turned back around. “You have the worst timing.” 

Joker smiled brightly. “Tough titties.” 

Riddler made a face leaning back against the cheap plastic cover of the booth seat. “So where is the rest of the group?” 

Joker shrugged, but that was the moment they all heard the chime of the bell over the door and turned to see Hatter come wandering in as if he were lost. The little man, Joker mused with narrowed eyes, always seemed to be lost. Behind him came Frost dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt. Joker frowned at his right hand man’s appearance; the causal look was enough to make him shudder. Frost looked weird out of his suit and Joker didn’t like it. Bob was showered and wearing what could only be described as baby powder pink pajamas with little bunnies all over the material (Joker was fairly sure Harley had bought those for the big guy for Christmas) and a fresh, hot pink tutu over the top of that. Following behind Bob and Frost was Archie in his clown costume, this one white and black, his face freshly painted with white face paint. His lips were black, with a black dot on his nose and black diamonds around his eyes. Archie even wore a pointed white cap with black pompoms. Joker grinned. He did love it when someone stuck with a look, but Joker’s attention was immediately taken from Archie to focus on Harley as she walked through the door chatting with Ivy. 

Harley was freshly showered, her skin glowing a soft pink. She didn't have a stick of makeup on, and her blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun, with loose bits of hair framing her face. She wore a pair of denim cutoff shorts that showed miles of soft, creamy skin along with a little red and white striped t-shirt, tube socks with the little red and blue stripes at the top, just under her knees, and a pair of red sneakers. 

Joker felt his mouth fall open, watching her walk across the diner next to Ivy (who he didn’t see at all, his complete attention on Harley, though Ivy was wearing a pair of slim cut green jeans, a white flowing blouse that made one think of lilies and a pair of green sandals.) Both women were drawing all the attention in the diner from everyone though neither of them noticed. Joker had to reach down and adjust himself as the sight of Harley made all the blood in his body rush down to his groin. 

Harley saw Joker and squealed loudly. “PUDDIN!!” 

She ran across the diner, jumped into the booth, and onto Joker’s lap. “Puddin!! I missed you!” Harley giggled, wrapping her arms around him and covering his face in kisses (all of which got strange and bizarre looks from the rest of the diner, everyone trying to figure out how a weird looking man with green hair had gotten such a sexy blonde). 

Joker laughed grabbing her shoulders and pulling her back a little. “Okay, okay, I missed you too.” 

Harley giggled while nuzzling close, unwilling to vacate his lap. Joker grinned enjoying her attention, but he whispered with a pout. “I missed you in the shower.” 

Harley pouted, running her finger over his bottom lip. “I’m sorry puddin, but Ivy needed help getting her babies set up with their little portable greenhouse thingie she has.” 

“Why couldn’t Hatter help her?” Joker fussed, but Harley kissed him. “Because she needed me; Hatter doesn’t know squat about plants. I’ll make it up to you, I promise puddin.” 

Joker sighed dramatically. “Fine.” 

Hatter slid in on Penguin’s other side, followed by Ivy while Bob and Frost sat on Joker’s other side. The waitress hurried over to set Joker’s plate of waffles and bacon down along with his coffee and chocolate milk. “What can I get everyone else?” 

Harley grinned. “Oh, I’ll have the same as my puddin.” 

The waitress frowned, but figured “puddin” must mean the green haired man, and wrote down the order. “All right, anyone else?” 

Ivy sniffed. “Mm, tea, eggs--scrambled--and sausage.” 

Frost and Bob both ordered platters similar to Penguin and Hatter simply ordered tea and biscuits, while Archie ordered a lot of bacon, sausage, and scrambled eggs with cheese muttering, “Maybe I’ll have a heart attack,” while eyeing the salt shaker. 

Everyone ate quietly once their meals were brought to them. Harley remained on Joker’s lap, feeding him (with Ivy giving her friend disgusted looks the entire time.) After a few minutes, Harley giggled and groaned loudly holding her stomach, leaning back against Joker. “My tummy’s so full!! You are going to have to carry me back puddin! I can’t walk!” 

Joker chuckled giving her a little tickle. “Well, we are just going to have to work that off.” 

Harley squealed and wiggled on his lap which made Joker’s groin ache for her. He started nibbling on her throat causing Harley to giggle even more. 

While everyone was relaxing after eating their meals, the chime over the door sounded and a group of four men came in, one carrying an acoustic guitar on his back. The men had long hair, wearing simple jeans and t-shirts, nothing special or outstanding, nothing making stand out--except for the guitar--but Riddler, who was trying the shift away from Joker and Harley who were becoming a little more overt in their kissing, sat up straight, his eyes going wide when he saw the four men. 

“I know them!” he whispered in the voice of a stunned true fan. 

Penguin who was playing with his cigarette, debating whether to light it and get into trouble or to walk outside, turned to look at the four men. He wrinkled his hooked nose. “Who are they? They look like ragamuffins.” 

Riddler hissed. “They’re called Arkham Gothic. They are only the most popular local band in Gotham City.” 

Penguin sniffed. “So, they look like rejects from a heavy metal band.” 

Joker looked up from where he had been leaving a hickey on Harley, his eyes narrowed. “Arkham Gothic? Never heard of them.” 

Harley glanced over and grinned. “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of them puddin; they’ve been playing all the big clubs in Gotham...well except the Iceberg that is.” 

Penguin sniffed. “I have a much higher class of clientele and they expect better than a garage band.” 

Ivy frowned slightly. “Ah yes, I’ve heard them play. Their music isn’t bad really. My plants like it.” 

Joker frowned in thought, which was followed by a wide smile. “I have an idea! Move it Frost!” 

Joker started to push on Frost like a child. “Move it!” Joker shoved. 

Frost frowned and moved, with Bob sliding out, picking up Archie as he did so holding the little man on his hip like a weird adult baby when he stood up. Archie sighed, but said nothing. 

“Puddin?” Harley asked as Joker deposited her on her feet. “What’s up?” 

Joker grinned turning to take both her hands, kissing her knuckles. “I feel like dancing my sweets.” 

Harley blinked, then grinned. “Oh, Mistah J!” 

Riddler hurried trying to follow Joker as Joker began to stride over to the group of musicians. “You can’t just go ask them to play for you!” 

Joker turned on Riddler. “Why the hell not?” 

“Well...because!” Riddler groaned with exasperation. 

Joker narrowed his eyes at Riddler. “Are you a criminal man or a whiner? I can’t believe Batman ever finds you a threat.” 

Riddler made a face. “HEY! I’ll have you know I’ve almost defeated him a lot of times!” 

Joker groaned and rolled his eyes. “Like when?” 

Riddler narrowed his eyes. “You’ve never beaten him!” 

Joker grinned. “I don’t want to beat him. He’s too much fun, besides Harley here has almost beaten him lots of time haven't you pumpkin?” 

Harley wrinkled her nose with giggle. 

Riddler still looked as if he were about to blow of gasket. Joker sighed. “Fine Nygma, you go ask them, since you’re the superfan.” 

Riddler frowned. “I think we should…” 

“Oh come on! Are you a man or a…” Joker motioned up and down at him. “Whatever you are! Or am I going to have to tell Batman that the best way to defeat you is to get this band to show up?” Joker made his voice high and squeaky. “Oh Arkham Gothic! I’m your biggest fan! Will you sign my ass?” 

Riddler snarled at Joker. “Fine! I’ll go ask!” 

Joker called after him. “Don’t ask, man! Demand!” 

Everyone watched while Riddler made his way over to the band. 

Joker leaned close to Harley. “Wanna make a bet he doesn’t do it?” 

Harley giggled with lifted eyebrows. “Nah, Eddie will do it.” 

Joker arched one eyebrow at her in doubt, but before he could respond the band was shaking Riddler’s hand, the guitarist bringing his guitar around to his lap and starting to tune it. Riddler looked smug as he came back over to rejoin his fellow rogues. 

“They said they would love to play a song.” Riddler grinned. 

Joker narrowed his eyes. “What did you say to them?” 

Riddler frowned looking down then said softly. “I might have told them you two are on your honeymoon…” 

Harley giggled. “You did what?” 

Riddler shrugged. “And I slipped them a hundred…” 

Joker started to open his mouth to say something which he quickly forgot when the guitarist began to play, the soft sounds of the song Pledging My Love followed by the band’s singer, his voice surprisingly mellow reaching out across the old diner. Everyone in the place turned, a smile on their lips listening to the song. 

“Forever my darling our love will be true 

Always and forever I’ll love only you 

Just promise me darling 

Your love in return 

May this fire in my soul dear 

Forever burn…” 

Harley smiled at Joker, her cheeks rosy, her eyes bright. Joker frowned for a split second which turned into a smile. “Oh, come here.” 

He pulled her into his arms and began to dance with her, moving around the tables of the diner while the patrons and workers watched. 

Joker gazed down at her, his smile gentle, his blue eyes bright with adoration and love for Harley. Harley gazed back at him, one hand on his shoulder, her other hand in his as he waltzed her around the room. The two of them moved with elegant grace around the plastic covered tables, through the scents of coffee and syrup and bacon, the diner falling away until it was just the two of them. 

“My heart's at your command dear 

To keep, love and to hold 

Making you happy's my desire 

Keeping you is my goal…” 

Joker’s smile was broad as he dipped Harley back while pulling her up against him in a classic tango pose, holding her hand out, his eyes gazing into hers until Harley thought she would melt. Her eyes caressed his face. 

“Puddin…” she cooed softly. “I love you puddin.” 

Joker smiled. “My sweet, sweet girl…” He dropped his voice lower still. “I love you. Never, ever forget that Harls; you are mine and I am yours...cross my heart and hope to die.” 

Harley smiled, taking her hand out of his to cup his face. “Cross my heart puddin and hope to die.” Then she kissed him in a slow, sweet kiss. 

While Joker and Harley danced, Bob started to dance slowly around the room with Archie who looked annoyed, yet tolerant at the same time, letting the big man dance around with him. Hatter bowed to Ivy with his hand out to her. Ivy laughed softly, taking the shorter man’s hand. The two of them took off spinning around the tables with Ivy laughing and Hatter grinning brightly. Penguin stayed seated, deciding to chance lighting his cigarette. Riddler walked over to the waitress he had been flirting with, putting out his hand to her and bowed. She blushed with a look back at the cook who could be seen through the window that separated the restaurant from the kitchen. The cook motioned for her to go ahead. The woman took Riddler’s hand. He pulled her close, placing a hand delicately on her waist, his other hand taking hers with a smile as he began to lead her around the room. 

Joker weaved with Harley, spinning her out then back into his embrace, splaying his hand against the small of her back, pressing her pelvis against his as he weaved with her, his eyes never leaving hers. Harley licked her lips, grabbing handfuls of his shirt at his waist, her eyes filled with love and lust. Joker’s body reacted to her, his erection swelling with need for her. Frost sat down watching them, shaking his head slightly and picking up his coffee, but he continued to watch the group with amusement, Ivy and Hatter spinning, Archie and Bob swaying together, Riddler and the waitress dancing slowly, and Joker and Harley weaving to the music wrapped tight around each other. 

A couple of other patrons joined the dancing and soon the entire place was filled with music, laughter and dancing. 

* 

The singer switched songs and began to sing “Never Let Me Go.” The patrons continued to dance, no one paying any attention to Joker or Harley, the two of them making their way deeper into the diner until they found themselves in a corner under a light that was dimmer than the others, in need of changing. 

Joker danced Harley over to one of the unoccupied booths spinning her around in a circle before he dropped her into the booth, crawling on top of her with a wide smile and giggle. Harley laughed softly reaching up to grab the front of his shirt and pull him down to her, capturing his mouth in a deep kiss. Joker growled softly dropping down on her, pressing his body against hers, his swollen erection pressed against the wet heat of her, pressing her shorts against her and sending little tickles of delight through her body as he rubbed against her. 

Harley purred, running her hands down his back until she reached his rear, opening her hands wide to grab as much of his rear as she could, pressing his hips down on her, thrusting her own hips up to grind against him. Joker growled in response, pushing himself up on one hand to pull her shirt up. He grinned when he realized she wasn’t wearing a bra. He gave her a wicked grin when Harley smirked at him before he dipped his head down to capture her nipple in his mouth, his hand cupping the soft mass, pressing her breast up, his tongue lathering her nipple. 

Harley moaned, one hand moving up to cup the back of his head, threading her fingers into his thick green locks while she slid her other hand under his shorts to feel his pale bare skin at the same time wrapping one of her legs around his, her fingers pressing into his skin to feel the round firmness of his butt cheek in her hand. She groaned trying to rub against him while he sucked on her breasts in a way that gave her an almost agonizing tickle in her groin, her swollen clitoris begging to feel him touch her, to rub against her… 

Joker dragged his tongue from one breast to the other, leaving a wet trail between them, the plastic of the booth creaking as he pressed against hers, his crotch aching. He wanted her to touch him, or to bury himself deep inside her, to feel her around him. He pushed up, knocking into the plastic covered table for the booth. He reached down, sucking on his red painted bottom lip as he worked to undo the buttons of her shorts, peeling them back to see that she wasn’t wearing any underwear either. Joker hissed with pleasure, reaching down to stroke the soft pale curls that framed her sex. 

Harley moaned. “Oh puddin...uh…” 

He smirked watching her, her shirt pushed up over her breasts, her shorts undone. He snaked his fingers down further finding the hot, wet pleasure between her intimate lips. He grinned in pleasure as he felt her clitoris was hot, swollen, sweet, and begging for his touch. He stroked his fingers across her and Harley nearly twitched off the seat, her light blue eyes rolling with pleasure. She reached up to grab the side of the table with one hand, her other hand pressed against the back of the booth seat. 

Joker shifted and pulled her shorts down more to provide easier access to touch her, to pleasure her. His fingers slid down, slipping and sliding against her slick sex, feeling her clitoris, pressing and stroking against her while Harley mewed with pleasure, struggling not to thrash about in the small space they had. Harley arched, throwing her head back with a quiet moan, thrusting against his fingers. Joker grinned while he reached up to play with her nipples, using the tips of his fingers to slowly circle one nipple, then the other while he thrust the fingers of his other hand into her. Harley bit down on her bottom lip to prevent the howl that wanted to escape while Joker thrust his fingers into her, first one, and then two, hooking them slightly to press up against that spot that drove her wild. Harley was panting, gasping for breath, her eyes opening to look up at him which was just too much. His red lipped smile, his green hair falling across his brow while he sat on his knees between her legs, combined with his touch, the way he gently pinched her nipples; it was all almost too much. Harley crashed into an orgasm throwing her head back and gripping the table at the same time she was sure she saw fireworks behind her eyelids at the moment intense warmth broke over her. 

Joker hissed, his breath quick and heavy, feeling her orgasm on his fingers. Harley was hot, and slick. His lustful gaze moved from where his fingers were buried deep inside her to her face, watching the expression of pleasure wash over her, which made his erection jerk in response. His groin ached. He needed her badly. Joker pulled his fingers out of her before he stood up, grabbing her shorts and sliding them off of her. Harley, giggled sitting up quickly as Joker hurriedly undid his shorts pushing them down enough before he sat down in the booth. 

Harley straddled him, catching his face between her hands, her tongue sliding into his mouth to twist and wrap around his tongue. Joker moved her in position before he glided her down on him. Harley jerked with pleasure when she felt him slide into her, filling her, stretching her. Her eyes rolled, her back arching when she felt him deep inside her. 

Joker smiled against her mouth pulling her close, wrapping his arms around her and sliding his hands up her back under her shirt. Harley moaned against his mouth, her nipples brushing against the smooth material of his shirt. The sensation was erotic. She thrust and bounced against him, her rear occasionally hitting the table and causing the napkin holder and silverware to rattle. Joker pulled her closer, kissed her deeply, his mouth moving slowly over hers while his body shuddered with the pleasure of feeling her, warm and wet, tight around his member. The way she felt when she slid herself up then rolled her hips with a thrust down, grinding against him had him seeing stars. 

Joker growled against the corner of her mouth. “Harls...Harley…” 

Harley ran her fingers through his green hair, kissing him harder, grinding her hips against him with a groan. The sweet feeling of him hard and throbbing inside her was almost too much; she bit on the inside of her cheek to keep from yelling with delight. “Puddin...oh puddin...Joker...uh…” She thrust forward against him, her body tightening. She arched, dropping her hands to his shoulders with a stifled cry. 

Joker grabbed her hips, holding her down on him his own cry meeting hers as he came with a hot flash of pleasure. He dropped his head back against the booth seat with a low groan while Harley rode her own orgasm, thrusting and pushing against him until they both collapsed, Harley wrapping her arms around his shoulders and cradling his head against her chest, both of them struggling to catch their breath. 

It was only then that they both realized there was no music. 

Harley looked up to see everyone in the diner watching them (except Bob who was now back at the booth sipping his chocolate milk without a care in the world. Archie had left and Frost was staring at his coffee with bright red cheeks). 

Riddler groaned loudly. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??!!”


	2. Everyone Loves a Parade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about Mardi Gras or New Orleans so I'm sorry about anything I got wrong!

Joker narrowed his eyes behind his purple sunglasses and glared out the back window as their bus pulled into New Orleans. The sun was out, with only a few clouds in the sky. It was a cool, yet clear and pretty day. 

He hissed low, crouching just a little as if he were about the slink back into his hole, his hands on the back of his seat. “I hate the sun.” 

Penguin had his own pair of black lense sunglasses on. The pudgy man was also sitting low in his seat with a book held in front of him. He nodded and replied with a soft, “Here, here.” 

Ivy, now barely dressed and wearing very little to leave as much of her skin exposed as possible to the sunlight streaming into the bus, gazed out her own window with one of her plants nestled against her shoulder. She shrugged. “I like the sun very much, it's good for my plants.” 

Joker rolled his eyes, wiggling his head and muttered under his breath in a high pitch sarcastic voice. “It’s good for my plants.” 

Riddler turned to Ivy. “You wanna do one of the swamp tours today?” 

Hatter had been singing low under his breath to a tea cup he had cupped in his hand. He wore an overly large, rather floppy looking top hat with an extremely long red feather that curled along his back. Though the hat was crushed down low on his head he looked up with tiny bright eyes and a large toothy smile. “Oh I do like boats, they tip and toss.” 

Ivy smiled at Riddler. “That sounds delightful, yes.” She turned her smile on Hatter. “Would you like to go too?” 

Hatter beamed. “Ah, to ride the waves of danger.” 

Frost turned around in his seat. “Are you all still planning on going to this evening’s parade?” 

Everyone in the back replied with an affirmative. Frost nodded while keeping his expression neutral. He had hoped one or two of them would decide not to, simply because he was going to have his hands full with Joker and Harley. He glanced sideways at Bob, but the big man only gave him a cheeky grin. 

Frost sighed and turned around to glanced back at Archie. “What about you?” 

Archie shrugged. “Whatever. I don’t really care. I might go on the swamp tour, see if I can find an alligator to eat me.” 

Frost sighed with a muttered. “Great.” 

* 

In the back Harley giggled and kissed Joker’s cheek. “Don’t worry puddin. We’ll just hide out in the hotel room until the sun goes down. That’s when all the fun starts anyway! We can get dressed in the costumes I brought for us! We can go eat Beignets At Cafe Beignet! Then collect beads and other trinkets from the floats! Go dancing! It’ll be great puddin!” 

Joker stuck his lip out for a moment in thought before glancing over at Harley, the word costume finally sinking it. His lips twitched into an amused grin, his eyes dancing with interest. “Costumes? You didn’t say anything about costumes.” 

Harley laughed. “Well it was going to be a surprise so...SURPRISE!!” She giggled with a little squeak. “Bob and I worked on them together! They are really pretty and sparkly!” 

Joker grinned. “Hmm...never been much for sparkles, but…” 

Harley wiggled closer to him to wrap her arms around his arm and lay her head against his shoulder. “Oh, but you need to sparkle puddin! It’s Mardi Gras!” 

A lazy smile stretched Joker’s red lips. “So--tell me about the costume.” 

“The only thing I am going to tell you is that you get a jester’s hat.” 

Joker grinned, his eyes bright behind his glasses. “Oooh, I like it already!!” 

* 

Harley woke up first with the sound of the light chime on her phone going off beside the hotel bed. She sighed reaching over blindly to grab the phone to look at the time; it was almost four in the afternoon. She smiled as her excitement blossomed--time to get up and get ready. 

She dropped the phone back down and twisting around a little, though it was difficult since Joker had his arms and legs wrapped around her. His legs were twisted around hers and his arms were wrapped tight around her waist, his face nuzzled against her throat, his breathing soft, warm and steady against her throat. She looked down at him the dim light leaking through the curtain as it cast a soft glow across the room and across his pale face. She wanted to reach up and brush his hair; the green locks were curling around his head in a rumpled mess, a curl falling across his forehead. His face was relaxed in sleep, his mouth slightly open, lipstick smeared across his lips and along the side of one cheek. Harley grinned at her Joker; he looked so cute she thought. She could see a few light purple bruises in the shape of her teeth on his shoulder. A warm blush crept up over her cheeks. She had pretty much attacked him once they were alone in the room, but it had been so much fun. 

Harley laid still for a few moments enjoying the feel of his naked body against hers, his leg wrapped around her. Joker shifted in his sleep a little, his knee coming up and resting against her groin. Harley’s eyes widened as the pressure suddenly made her realize she needed to go to the bathroom. She hated to move, but… 

Harley squeaked and shoved Joker off of her, then raced to the bathroom. 

Joker sat up groggily looking around slightly confused as the bathroom door slammed shut, startling him. “Harley?” 

He heard her voice through the door. “Sorry puddin!! Had to pee!! It’s time to get up anyway!! Meet me in the shower!!!” 

Joker flopped back down, burying his face in her pillow. “I hate waking up,” he muttered, but then the sounds of the shower and the toilet flushing made him sit up again with a grin...a wet, soapy Harley in the shower got him moving. 

* 

Joker stood still while Harley applied his lipstick, extending it out to make his smile seem bigger, and put the finishing touches on the gold triangles around his eyes. The costume that Harley and Bob had made for him was decorated with green, purple and gold diamonds, the pattern running through the pants (which Harley had made sure where tight around his butt, just like she liked them, tailored personally to his long legs. Bob was a genius!) Joker also wore a pair of pointed, curled boots in dark purple and matching purple gloves. The top of the costume was a tailored jacket, much like what Joker usually wore, with long tails that reached to the middle of his calves and the wide, bell-like sleeves of a pirate jacket. Underneath the jacket, Joker wore a nice dress shirt and vest, but the green, purple and gold diamond pattern continued over the jacket and vest. Instead of a regular collar the shirt had a pointed, ringed collar with tiny silver bells on each point of the collar. The hat that Joker wore was the typical three flopping corners in purple, green and gold with little silver bells at the end of each taper. Everything was trimmed in glittering gold with a few glittering paste diamonds here and there to make her puddin shine. Harley had done Joker’s makeup, a bright red lipstick with gold and black around his eyes, making sure to carefully highlight his features. Joker smiled watching her. She looked adorable in her own costume, keeping with the red and black theme of her regular costume.

Harley wore a red and black corset that pushed her breasts up in a way that made him want to bury his face between them. Half the corset was black, the other half was in a red and black diamond pattern. Underneath she wore a tight little shirt, the black side had a long sleeve that was tight against her arm while the other side exposed her arm and shoulder. The skirt was a short black tulle piece trimmed in red, showing off her legs--which he liked a great deal, along with the little ruffled black panties underneath...very yummy he thought. She wore a garter belt that held up her hose, one of which was solid red, the top trimmed with a black ribbon while the other side was red and black diamond pattern, also trimmed with a black ribbon. She wore a pair of black, patent leather baby doll shoes with a thick heel to complete her outfit. Harley had put her hair up in pigtails, the ends of which she had dyed, one red, the other black with red ribbon wrapped around her pigtails. Her makeup, like Joker’s was bright, with a bright red lipstick similar to his. Harley had extended the smile out to make her grin bigger, but her eyes were also done in red, red diamonds that ended with little black dots on the corners. 

Harley stepped back when she was finished with a big smile. “Oh puddin, you look so hot!” She squealed and clapped her hands. 

Joker chuckled stepping back and bowing. “Well thank you my dear, you look ravishing as well.” Joker gave her legs a very pointed look followed by a lingering gaze on her cleavage licking his lips as his eyes met hers and he winked. 

Harley giggled, lifting up the corners of her skirt and bowing before she jumped back up. “We should get going! I bet everyone is waiting for us downstairs!” 

Joker grinned. “Oh, let me get my bag sweets!” 

Joker hurried over picking up a bright purple messenger bag that read, “Treats!” across it in bold green letters. He stopped, spun back around and grabbed the camera off the bedside table and tossed its strap over his neck. 

Harley giggled knowing exactly what was inside his bag of treats. “Ready puddin?” 

Joker smirked. “Let’s go have some fun!” 

* 

Outside by the bus Joker and Harley saw their friends. Everyone (except Frost who was wearing his typical suit this time, which Harley assumed was because Frost felt he was on the job more than on vacation) was dressed for the night. Ivy wore what looked like a green, leafy bodysuit but Harley knew it was probably one of her plants. Her red hair was worn up in what looked like two red horns and her face was decorated with leaves that flowed out from her eyes and into her hair that intertwined with vines, leaves and tiny red flowers that matched the dark red of her lips. Next to her stood Hatter wearing the same outfit he had been wearing during the entire trip. The only addition he had made for Mardi Gras was the mask across his eyes, which was dark green and blue with a puff of blue feathers on the side. 

Penguin looked elegant in a black tuxedo, matching top hat, and a black mask across his eyes that reminded Harley of Zorro. As usual, he had his umbrella at his side. Next to him, speaking to Archie (who was dressed in a colorful green and purple clown costume with his face painted to match) was Riddler. Riddler wore a green bowler hat, green jacket with a purple dress shirt underneath, and green slacks with a gold stripe down each side. He had his cane in one hand and a green mask across his eyes. 

Lastly was Bob. Harley squealed loudly when she saw Bob. Bob wore a purple and gold bodysuit over his big frame, with what Harley could only think of as an extravagant “tail,” though she knew it was a boa tutu. The boa tutu tied around Bob’s waist with a thick black ribbon and cascaded down his backside to brush the ground in a waterfall of greens, purples and shimmering gold. He wore a green mask across his eyes with a wild looking attachment of peacock feathers mixed with green and gold feathers and his lips were painted a bright, glittery purple. 

“OH BOB!!” Harley squealed running over and throwing herself at the big man. “You look incredible!!” 

Bob blushed hugging her tightly and glancing over at Joker who gave the big man a thumbs up. “You look beautiful, my dear!” 

Bob grinned happily at Joker’s praise, setting Harley back on her feet. 

Harley giggled turning to look at everyone else. “Oh my gosh--you all look so nice!!” 

Ivy smiled, turning back and forth. “You like this?” 

“Oh Red ,you look good enough to eat!” Harley clapped her hands. “And Pengie you look so elegant and Eddie!! You look so handsome!” 

Riddler blushed under his mask, glancing up to see Joker giving him a stern glare, his usually smiling lips currently set in a thin, angry line. 

Harley rushed over to Archie, pinching the short man’s cheeks. “Oh Archie!! You look adorable!” 

Archie sighed and in a flat voice muttered. “That’s me, adorable.” 

Harley pouted at Frost. “You couldn’t have dressed up? Just for tonight?” 

Frost frowned running a hand over his tie. “Well, I just…” 

Harley walked over to him and pulled her lipstick tube out from between her breasts where she had stuck it before leaving their room. She grabbed Frost’s face with one hand, squeezing his lips together before he could protest and artfully painted his mouth, followed by decorating his eyes with red, lipstick triangles. She released him and took a step back to admire her work like a proud mother. 

“There, much better.” Harley patted Frost’s cheek. 

Joker chuckled. “I agree Frosty, much better.” 

Frost didn’t look happy, but he didn’t say anything. 

Harley turned to address everyone. “Okay now, let’s go get some Beignets and collect beads!! I think we should have a contest! See who can get the most beads!” 

Riddler frowned twirling his cane. “I think you and Ivy have us gents at a disadvantage. You both can flash your…” He looked uncomfortable for a moment before he continued. “...assets to get beads, while we on the other hand…” 

Joker, who had been playing around with whatever he had in his messenger bag, looked up, his eyes wide. “Flash their assets? Whatyoutalkingabout!” 

Riddler glanced at Harley who had turned bright red, and Ivy, who only smirked, then back at Joker. “Ah...a lot of women flash their breasts for beads.” 

Joker blinked. “What?” 

Joker’s head snapped over to Harley, real anger and jealousy were alight in his eyes. “You are not flashing anything or I swear I will kill anyone who looks at your breasts! Don’t think I won’t!” 

Harley blinked in surprise at the venom in Joker’s voice, but her surprise was quickly replaced by a wide smile. He was jealous! She loved that he was jealous! 

Harley smiled sweetly at Joker, holding her hands and using her arms to squeeze and “amplify” her breasts while rocking a little. “I won’t puddin, I promise.” 

Joker gave her a sour look, his eyes lingering on her cleavage, now looking as if her breasts were ready to pop out of her corset at any moment. His voice was sullen as he snarled. “You better not, those are mine and no one else’s to enjoy.” 

Harley beamed with happiness. “Only yours puddin.” 

Ivy gagged. “You two make me sick. I, on the other hand, plan on flashing everyone.” She grinned. 

Harley giggled. “You are so bad Red.” 

Ivy smirked. “Well, someone needs to be queen of the Mardi Gras, why not me?” 

Joker rolled his eyes. “The only people who are going to impressed with what you got under the hood there Ivy are Vegans and everyone hates Vegans.” 

Harley cringed as Ivy shot Joker a glare. She quickly intervened before Ivy could respond. “Okay, let’s go get some beignets!!” 

* 

Cafe Beignets was a small brown building with a green and white awning over the front entrance. The inside of the cafe was long with small round tables and wireback chairs on the sides of the walls. At the front of the shop was a large glass case that held so many colorful baked goods that Harley wanted to squeal with delight. The place was crowded despite the later hour, filled with tourists and people dressed for the carnival and parades. 

Harley led their group inside, stopping to take a deep breath. The scent of hot oil, coffee, and powdered sugar made her stomach growl loudly. 

Joker sniffed the air and smiled. “This seems promising.” 

Hatter smiled, drifting up beside Joker, his nose in the air. “Ahh...the sweet scent of innocence…” 

Penguin looked around with his nose wrinkled. “This place seems a bit pedestrian to me.” 

Riddler smiled, rubbing a hand against his slender middle. “Everything smells so good! And I’m ready to eat!” 

Ivy smiled. “It does smell good in here.” 

Harley grinned and moved toward the counter. She waited patiently with Joker coming up beside her to put his arm around her waist. Bob dropped down to a crouch to look into the glass display case with bright eyes, his hands pressed against the glass, and gazing in like a kid in a sweetshop. Archie stood beside him with a hand on the big man’s shoulder. 

“How many do you think I would have to eat to kill me?” he mused. 

(Frost hung back trying to keep an eye on things.) 

Harley glanced at everyone. “So--how many?” 

Joker frowned leaning close to Harley’s ear. “We’re not actually going to pay for them are we?” 

Harley blinked in confusion. She had thought she would actually pay for the beignets, but… 

Ivy smiled and patted Harley on the shoulder. “I’ll take care of this.” 

Ivy pushed her way forward, stepping between Joker and Harley. Joker shot the redheaded woman a dirty look before he stepped back to grab Harley’s hand, though Ivy ignored him. She leaned on the glass counter. There were four people covering the counter this evening, three young women and a young man, none of whom looked older than twenty-one. Ivy smiled seductively, batting her green eyes, immediately drawing the attention off all the young workers. 

“Could I place my order?” she purred. 

The four looked at each other. They had clearly been helping out other customers, but Ivy smiled again, bringing her hand up and blew softly against her palm. The sot pink dust that sparkled ever so faintly in the light rose from her palm and drifted, as if directed, over to the four young people. They all breathed the substance in without realizing it. Once the pollen was in their system, working with frightening speed, they turned as one to Ivy. “Whatever you want miss,” they said together. 

Joker shuddered. “Gives me the willies.” 

Ivy ignored him. “We would like eight dozen of your beignets, please.” 

The four answered. “Right away miss.” 

The other customers the young people had been serving turned on Ivy. One of them, a large man in a t-shirt that read “Hold My Beer” glared at Ivy. “Hey bitch, I was here first.” 

Ivy narrowed her eyes only slightly. She reached forward, placing her fingertips under the man’s chin, guiding him forward enough that she could press her lips against his. The man’s eyes widened in surprise, but everyone familiar with Ivy immediately saw the dark green flush through the man’s vein around his lips and up through his cheeks. 

Ivy smiled releasing the man. “Now, why don’t you go enjoy yourself.” 

The man repeated numbly, even as the poison began to course quickly through his veins. “Enjoy myself.” 

Everyone watched the man walk out like a zombie with Harley giggling. 

Joker shook his head. “See, vegans are bad for your health.” 

Ivy smirked. 

* 

Harley giggled happily; her bag of beignets was in Joker’s messenger bag along with his own bag, but she was carrying a beignet in her hand, having taken a large bite, her mouth covered in powdered sugar. 

“These are so good!!!!” she exclaimed around a mouthful. 

Joker chuckled at her. “Mm...I get to lick the sugar off of you.” 

Harley nodded with a smile as she chewed, her eyes bright. 

Bob was silently enjoying his own, his eyes behind his mask rolled with pleasure. Even Archie looked a little happy, but just a little. 

Frost held his bag of beignets in one hand, a coffee in the other, while Hatter and Riddler were both mowing through their own dozen beignets like starving men. 

It wasn’t long before their group began to hear the sounds of music, the streets around them gradually becoming more and more filled with people. The din of conflicting musical pieces began to mix with the voices of people. 

Harley squealed, popping the last of her beignet in to her mouth. “We must be getting close to the parades and stuff!” Joker grabbed her, spun her around, and shoved Harley up against the front of a building they had been about to pass. He held her upper arms, pressing her hard against the wall. Harley’s eyes widened, but a smile was on her lips. Joker grinned at her, pressing his body against hers before he began to lick her lips, slowly running his tongue over her mouth, then her upper lip, and down along her chin, tasting the sweet flavor of powdered sugar. He released her arms reaching up to cup her face in his hands while he slowly licked the corners of her mouth before he slipped his tongue into her mouth. 

Harley moaned softly while he licked her, but the moment he slipped his tongue into her mouth Harley groaned, her hands grabbing his waist. 

Riddler groaned loudly. “Are we going to stand here and wait while they do…” he gestured at them with his cane. “Whatever that is that they are doing?” 

Penguin shrugged continuing to happily snack on his beignets, as did everyone else. Riddler frowned; he hated being ignored. He was just about ready to walk off and leave them all when a voice, with a slight French accent, called out. 

“Hey!! Aren’t you guys part of the Rex Krewe?” 

Everyone turned as one, causing the speaker to take an involuntary step back. 

Joker stopped kissing Harley long enough to look over to see a balding man in a dark blue t-shirt, dark cargo shorts, and flip flops standing there with his phone held up. Beside him was a haggard looking woman with long, dyed blonde hair wearing leggings, flip flops, and a crop top holding a very long colorful plastic “cup” with an equally long straw that she was sipping out of like she was sucking down the meaning of life itself in liquid form. 

Joker slowly released Harley, grinning from ear to ear. “Why yes, yes we are.” 

The man grinned and elbowed the woman. “Told ya. Hey, can I get a picture of all of you? This is our first Mardi Gras and all you guys with the costumes and the parades, it's really awesome! Georgia and I are having a blast.” The man elbowed the woman again who gave him a dirty look, but continued to suck down the liquid in her overly large plastic cup, barely stopping to breathe. 

Joker was really quite impressed with her dedication to her drink. 

Riddler started to open his mouth. “No...I don’t think...” but Joker quickly spoke over him. “Of course!” 

Joker motioned at their little group. “Come on, my darlings--let’s give this man a picture.” 

The man held his phone up. “I love the costumes and all the jesters and clowns, you guys look great! Though I have to say, I hate mimes. I’m so glad I haven’t seen any mimes here.” The man laughed as if he had made some sort of joke. 

Joker smirked. “That reminds me of a joke. What’s black and white and red all over.” 

The man holding the phone frowned. “What?” 

Joker chuckled, eyes eyes dancing. “A mime in a chainsaw fight!” 

Harley giggle snorted, Riddler rolled his eyes, Penguin chuckled, and even Ivy gave Joker a smile, but the man looked confused. After a moment, he smiled as the words registered. “Ah, yes…” 

Joker pulled Harley against him, the rest of the group standing on either side of him. “Okay my good man, take the picture!” 

The man held his phone up and took several quick snaps. “Thank you so much! Your group looks amazing!” 

Joker grinned brightly. “Just wait until you see us on our float. We’ll make sure to throw you some beads.” 

The man grinned. “Well, thank you.” He began to walk away giving them all a wave over his shoulder. 

Harley hissed at Joker. “We don’t have a float puddin.” 

Joker smiled. “No,” he corrected. “We don’t have a float yet.” 

Harley narrowed her eyes slightly, a smirk on her red lips. “Do you have a plan?” 

Joker leaned close to her and whispered. “No I do not, but when has that ever stopped us?” 

Harley giggled before giving him a loud kiss on his cheek. “I love you.” 

Joker grinned looked smug. “I know you do. I’m loveable.” 

He turned to their group. “All right my darlings, we are going to commandeer ourselves a float for tonight!” 

Bob clapped his hands excitedly while Archie frowned. “Maybe I could throw myself off…” 

Ivy shrugged, but Riddler actually grinned. “This might be fun.” 

Frost simply groaned. 

* 

As Joker and gang made their way into the thicker crowds that were waiting for the start of the parade, darkness had fallen completely. The evening was lit now by street lights and the glow of hundreds of neon signs that advertised such places of Dr. VooDoos, Jazz Funeral, and Barely Legal Club, along with the fiber optic splendor of many people in the crowd who held or wore glowing devices, lighting the darkness in an array of colorful carnival hues. Harley asked a few questions here and there to get directions so that they could make their way over to the warehouses where the floats were being moved out and arranged for the parade for that evening. 

By the time they had made it to their destination, the parade had already started, the first marching band striking up a tune, and the sounds of drums and trumpets and other instruments filled the air. 

Joker frowned. “We need to hurry.” 

Harley motioned. “There puddin! I can see some of the floats!” 

They hurried in the direction Harley had pointed and began to look for a float that Joker thought would be suitable for their little group. 

Some of the floats were large stages with colorful and elaborately dressed people on them while others looked like glorified double decker buses that had been painted to look like anything from a large baby carriage with weird, deformed babies painted on the sides, with those on the float wearing strange deformed baby masks, to a large colorful float painted with flowers and a large upper torso of a woman, her breasts only barely covered with painted flowers. 

They had already walked by four marching bands, a handful of cars holding minor sports or other celebrities, (having had to go and fetch Archie when he threw himself in front of one of the marching bands, then again when he had tried to get the float of a large ghost or monster of some sort to crush him) when Joker’s eyes widened. 

He pointed, his voice soft with awe. “There it is Harley my girl, there's our float.” 

Harley grinned when she saw it. The float was fronted by what had to be the largest clown face she had ever seen, with a wide red lipped smile that spread across its shiny plastic face, bright blue eyes, red nose and a jester’s cap that was an exact replica of the one Joker currently wore. The float, unlike the others which were quite long, was more compact with a colorful tier like construction of bright colors that reminded Harley of a wedding cake, on the top of which sat two large gold and red cushioned thrones. Behind that were several large colorful clown shaped balloons with green hair, long red noses and bright smiles, all topped with jester hats. Currently the float had several people on it, including two people on the thrones, clearly some sort of king and queen as they both wore crowns and the man had what looked like a sceptre in one hand. 

Joker giggled with excitement. “That’s it! That’s the one Harls!!” 

Penguin frowned looking at the float. “I suppose it isn’t any tackier than any of the others.” 

Riddler wrinkled his nose, but said nothing, while Hatter smiled. “I like it, I do,” he said. 

“Not to be a party pooper, but how are we going to get the current occupants of the float off?” Riddler asked. “Without drawing attention, that is?” 

Joker glanced sideways at Harley, who gave him a knowing smile. She turned around. 

“Hey Red, do you think you could whammy them? Please?” Harley put her hands together and batted her eyes at Ivy. 

Ivy frowned before finally giving in to giggles. “Oh Harley, you know I can’t resist the puppy eyes. Fine. Just wait here.” 

They all watched as Ivy sauntered over to the float, her hips swaying seductively as she walked (gathering attention from the crowd as she moved.) She stopped at the foot of the float. She examined it while someone dressed as a clown (similar in look to the face that headed the float), hurried over to her. They exchanged a few words before Ivy held both her hands up, palms cupped and blew. A large softly sparkling pink cloud waffled from her hands. The cloud of pink spread up and out to engulf the float within seconds, surrounding the float before the cloud of pink descend down on the float, covering everyone that was currently occupying the massive clown. 

Harley thought it was creepy watching as all eyes turned toward Ivy (her cloud had even snagged a few onlookers who had been standing too close). Harley didn’t hear what Ivy said to them, but as one, the group of enchanted people stepped down from the float and began to walk away. 

Ivy turned with a smug expression on her features and motioned them over. Everyone hurried to Ivy, who smiled pleased with herself. “I don’t know how you guys would have done anything without me.” 

Joker rolled his eyes. “Eh, we would have managed.” 

Ivy smirked, but said nothing. 

Harley leaned close to Ivy. “What did you tell them to do?” 

She smiled. “I told them they should go visit the swamp.” 

“Red!” Harley gasped in shock which quickly dissolved into giggles. “You are so bad.” 

Ivy grinned. “I’m simply feeding the plants.” 

Joker started to bark orders. “All right, everyone on the float, Harley and I have to make a few minor adjustments first, but then we are off!” 

Joker grabbed Harley pulling her to the side before digging into his messenger bag and handing Harley several gas canisters. Harley grinned. “What are we doing with those puddin?” 

Joker grinned. “My sweet pumpkin, we are going to make this parade a lot more hilarious!” 

* 

The sounds of the parade filled the streets. People watched with delight as the large and colorful floats made their way slowly down the streets with those on the float throwing bright colorful beads into the waiting and screaming crowds. 

When the clown float came into view with the king and queen sitting on the thrones on the top tier, the face that neither of them looked anything like the king and queen that should have been there didn’t seem to bother the drunk, happy crowds. 

* 

Joker grinned sitting on the throne next to Harley, his legs spread wide, the sceptre in his hand. He waved at the crowds regally while Harley giggled happily, next to him on her own throne, tossing beads like it was an Olympic sport and she was going for the gold. 

She had just managed to hit some young redhead in the face with a handful of beads when she turned to Joker. “So, when are we going to release the gas?” 

Joker smiled, looking over the crowd. He had been waiting for just the right time, when the float had moved to the thickest part of the crowd in the narrowest slice of street where the density of people was the greatest. 

“Mm...I think now, my dear. Let’s get these people laughing shall we?” Joker waggled his eyebrows. 

Harley giggled. “We shall puddin!” 

Harley pulled the small triggering device out from between her cleavage--much to Joker’s delight. She held it up, glancing over at Joker who winked at her before she pressed her thumb down on the bright red button. There were several popping sounds from underneath the float, followed by a large puff of bright green gas. The gas spread out quickly from the bottom of the float, immediately spreading to the crowds and floating upward, washing over the gathered people swiftly. Within seconds the first bits of hysterical laughter started, working like a wave through the crowd. The giggles started slow before they picked up as the gas spread, the first giggles turning into guffaws, then swiftly into full belly laughs. 

Joker laughed with pleasure. “Ah listen to them Harley! Music to my ears!” 

Harley squealed and clapped with glee. (They had decided before the trip that they would take the mostly nonlethal Joker gas. Now, if somehow had a heart attack, vomited, or a suffered a seizure from laughing that wasn’t really their fault, but they didn’t want to take a chance of not getting back to Gotham...so nonlethal...mostly.) 

Joker stood up, throwing his hands into the air which earned him more laughter, pitched high and hysterical. 

Joker crowed. “A day without laughter is a day wasted!!” 

* 

It was very late. The parades were over, but people still lingered on the streets and music still played here and there, but from where Joker and Harley lay on Joker’s jacket, on the roof of some old building and looking up at the stars, the sounds were muted as if they were taking place far, far away. Joker’s hat lay on the half wall that ran along the edge of the roof, the jester’s hat casting a strange shadow. 

Harley sighed happily. “That was fun puddin.” 

Joker chuckled. “It was too bad someone called an ambulance, sorta messed with the vibe we had going.” 

Harley nodded. “Yeah, too bad. I bet that makes the news, four heart attacks at once and five seizures.” 

Joker grinned. “I think we set a new record sweets.” 

Harley giggled. “Yeah, usually you don't’ get a crowd that big in such a dense space.” 

Joker sighed. “True.” 

He rolled over onto his side laying his head in his hand. He smiled down at her, running his fingers along the laces of her corset. “You know Harls, you didn’t get any beads.” 

Harley shrugged. “No I didn’t puddin, but then you said you would kill anyone who saw my breasts that wasn’t you puddin.” 

“I did, didn’t I?” Joker mused as he began to slowly tug at the laces, pulling them lose. “Well, I suppose you should get to flash your breasts, at least once for Mardi Gras...for me.” 

Harley giggled while Joker pulled her corset open. “Just for you puddin.” 

Joker tugged the cloth of her shirt down under her breasts, exposing her chest to the cool evening air. Her skin goosebumped while Joker ran his gloved fingers over her nipples, tracing them slowly, teasingly gazing at the bright pink of her nipples against her pale skin. Hot blood raced through his body, pooling in his groin. Joker shifted a little when his erection swelled, tight in his pants, made all the worse by Harley shifting, her breasts soft and inviting in the dim light that cascaded over them. 

Harley moaned softly, arching her breasts toward him. The feel of the leather against her skin, combined with the night air made her entire body ache with need. 

Joker smiled continuing to stroked his leather clad fingers over her sensitive nipples, watching the look of tortured pleasure that crossed Harley’s painted features. 

With self-torturing slowness, he leaned down and licked the closest nipple, dragging the flat of his tongue over the sensitive nipple, causing Harley to squirm and gasp. 

Joker smiled, leaning down to suck on the same nipple, while reaching out to pinch and rub her other nipple lightly, catching it between his thumb and middle finger to stroke the flat of her nipple with his forefinger. 

Harley groaned, rubbing her legs together as the ache in her groin--that had started as a tickle--intensified twofold. She loved the feel of his mouth on her, the damp drag of his tongue, but what made all of his attentions even more intense was when she glanced at him, watching him lick her nipple, his red lips on her skin. Harley groaned again, the hot ache in her clitoris was agonizing, but delicious. 

Joker nibbled his way up from her breasts to her throat, dragging his tongue against her skin, feeling the rapid beat of her pulse against his tongue. He moved up to capture her mouth, sliding his tongue against her tongue in a slow, deep kiss, continuing to stroke her nipple with his fingers at the same time. 

Harley groaned, a pleading sound of need, her hips moving side to side as the ache intensified. 

Joker pulled back just enough to speak, his lips moving against hers. “You want me pumpkin?” 

Harley groaned. “Oh yes please, Mistah J.” 

He smiled and kissed the side of her mouth. “Whatever my girl needs.” 

He dragged his hand down her body pushing the tulle of her skirt up to find her panties underneath. He pulled them down with Harley lifting up to allow him to get them below her hips. She wiggled and with his help, got the panties down her legs until Harley could kick them off. 

Joker lifted his hand away from her (which made Harley moan and pout), but she watched with delight while he used his teeth to pull his glove off. She shifted as the ache spread watching him press his teeth into the leather at the tip of his fingers, slowly going over each finger until he could pull the glove completely off with his teeth. Why she found that so sexy she didn’t know, but there was something about his perfect white teeth, his red lips, that smile, and the exposing of his long white fingers that had her wet with anticipation. 

Joker wiggled his now free fingers at her before he dropped his hand down under her skirt to brush a feather touch against her clitoris. 

Harley cried out; her orgasm was swift and instant, surprising her. 

Joker smirked with pleasure watching her. He had barely touched her! He brushed his fingers over her again, feeling the slick, wetness of her pleasure, hearing her cry out again. He gently pushed his fingers inside her, burying his fingers deep in her, biting his lip at the sound she made. The sensation of his fingers in her, coated in her, made him groan. He had thought about dragging this out, but found that he didn’t want to. He needed to be in her, especially after feeling how wet she was… 

He pulled his fingers out, sitting up on his knees at the same time. 

Harley had thought to protest, but when she saw he was unzipping his pants, she giggled and spread her legs, her hands out waiting for him. 

Joker moved swiftly, his need building as he looked down at her. Once he was free, he moved between her legs. There was no slow entry, no teasing, just intense need. He thrust into her at the same time he grabbed one of her hands, lacing his fingers with hers and wrapping their arms around the top of her head, at the same time capturing her mouth with his own. He leaned his weight into her, burying himself deep inside her. 

Harley groaned, her fingers squeezing his hand, wrapping her legs around his thighs. Her free hand slid down to grasp his rear, tugging him closer. She wanted to feel and hear him pound into her, the slap of flesh, the sweet, wet sound of their bodies coming together… 

Joker leaned into her, thrusting hard and fast, his fingers squeezing hers while he leaned some of his weight on his free hand. 

Their cries were muffled against each others lips, Joker thrusting hard and fast, each thrust buried him deep inside her until Harley tightened around him, the heels of her shoes dug into his thighs as she brought her legs up, her hand on his rear squeezed hard, her fingernails pressing into his white flesh. She cried out, but he swallowed her climax with his lips and tongue, swiftly following her as he came, his body tensing, their joined hands squeezing and holding onto each other, sharing their orgasms in a hot, intense mix of heat, moaning, and fluids. 

Just as swiftly and intensely as their orgasms rushed over them, they both went limp. Neither of them moved, both struggling to catch their breath when Joker pushed off of her, both sharing a groan as their bodies came apart. 

Joker flopped onto his back next to her, bringing their still joined hands up to his chest against his rapidly beating heart which was slowing as he brought her hand up to kiss her knuckles. 

He sighed in contentment. 

Harley moaned softly with a silly smile on her face. 

They were both quiet for a long moment, staring up at the starry night when Joker whispered. “I think we should have a new parade in Gotham.” 

Harley giggled still looking up at the stars. “What kind of parade puddin?” 

Joker grinned. “I think we should have a Harley Quinn parade.” 

Harley lifted her head a little to look over at him, admiring his profile, but asked with genuine surprise. “A Harley Quinn parade?” 

He nodded rolling his head to the side to smile at her. “Yeah, the best girl in Gotham.” 

Harley giggled with pleasure rolling over to wrap herself around him. 

Joker grinned and held her close.


End file.
